Looking back at the past.

While i was in the hospital,pregnant with mikiya,i kept a journal.

I also kept a journal while i was living the NICU life.

Here is an entry that i read today.

I had always thought that the hardest thing in life was to burry one of your children,that though changed when i sat down and i watched my child struggle to live.

I understood that NICU life alone could be pure hell,and i was living it.

Mikiya was 7 days old at this point and i was requested for a meeting with the NICU doc today,my mom came with me into this little room with a nurse a neonatologist and a social worker.

Right there at that point this doctor told me that my child was really struggling to live and that he felt that she wouldn't make it,if even another night.

He said her lungs are too badly damaged,and her heart wasn't doing her much good either,with two holes in it.

He knew that i hadn't broke down yet,he knew i was strong but he was speaking words that would chew me up and spit me out.

My mom thought i was living in another world,she thought i had totally lost it,i'm saying that my baby will live and that doctor is telling me no.

I sat there day in and day out and i prayed that she get stronger everyday.

Everyday she did get stronger,they just said she wouldn't make it,and 24 hours later she is extubated and put on CPAP.

She didn't have to be intubatec again even though they said she would.