Just sick of being.....

I'm sick of being an angry bent up old girl simply because my life plans have changed.

I look at my children differen't,i look at other people differen't and i see me differen't,i judge the hardest myself.

I blame myself for things beyond my control,i cannot accept new birth and be happy,i'm jealous yet happy for new parents,as they experience new life and a new baby,and i never again will be able to conceive,carry nor hold my own child.

My life has changed so drastically in ways i never thought,and i need to let go...i want to let go...i need to ....ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE!!

I wanted to be a mom.....not a mom of two lost children,not a mom of a preemie,but i'am.

I'am married and i have three beautiful children,and yet i still feel empty...something is missing!!

I know i have done the best for my children,and i try everyday to make them happy...keep them happy,and give them things i never had.

I want today to be the day i let go...get over it,and be done with it,i'm sick of crying about it and i don't want it to hurt anymore.

I want today to be the day that i look at my kids and know that they are here happy and healthy.